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THE NEW BROTHER
(Non-Masons might get this.)

The story is told of a newly made Brother, who on his return home after being initiated, was asked by his wife what had happened. Like any good Mason he very gently told her he couldn't tell her anything about the ceremony. "Well," she asked,
"What sort of people are involved?"

Well he thought he could tell her that much, and said, "There are three kinds of people. There are walkers, talkers, and holy men."
To this, his wife asked for further explanation.
He answered, "The walkers walk you everywhere round the lodge room, the talkers talk to you at length, and the holy men sit on the sidelines."

She asked, "What do the holy men do?"

"Oh," he said, "their role is to nod their heads and say 'Oh my God!' "

MORE ON THE NEW BROTHER
(Non-Masons might not get this)

The wife of our newly made Brother complained to our Brother's proposer that her husband was becoming extremely secretive.

On being asked for further explanation, she replied that he was always going to the bathroom with his little blue book, and spending hours there.
The proposer questioned our newly made Brother on his behavior, especially using the
bathroom for hours at a time. To which our newly made Brother replied, that he just had to use the bathroom, as it was the only room in the house that was tiled

The Genie

The Worshipful Master of our Lodge found a bottle with a Genie in it. In accordance with custom, the Genie offered to grant him a wish.

"OK," said the WM, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate to fly. So my wish is for you to build a bridge so I can drive to Hawaii."

"I can't do that!!!" exclaimed the Genie. "Don't you know that's impossible? No Genie could do that. It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power. You will have to make another wish."

"OK," said the Master. "I wish that at our next Stated Meeting all the old PMs would just get along and not cause any trouble, not have to tell us how they did it their year, not complain about the ritual, not put down the current officers ... just sit on the sidelines and behave!"

"Hmmmmm," said the Genie. "Do you want that bridge with 2 lanes or 4??"

Good News, Bad News

Pat & Bill had been Lodge Brothers for many years. They had promised each other long ago that the first to go to the Grand Lodge above would return to tell the other whether there really were Lodges in Heaven and what they were like.

By and by, it came to pass that Bill went first.

One day shortly after, Pat was working in his garden when he heard a whispered voice, " Pssst Pat!"

He looked around but saw nothing. A few moments later he heard, now quite clearly " Pat! Its me, Bill!"

"Bill" Pat exclaimed, "are you in Heaven?"

"Indeed I am" said Bill.

Pat paused for a while to get over the shock and then said " Well, Bill, are there Lodges up there in Heaven?"

"There certainly are, Pat. There are Lodges all over and they are quite magnificent, equal or better than any we have seen. The meetings are well attended, the ritual is word perfect, the festive board fantastic and the spirit of Masonic Fellowship is all pervasive."

" My goodness, Bill," said Pat, " It certainly sounds very impressive but for all that you seem rather sad. Tell me old friend, what is the matter."

" Well, Pat, you are right. I have some good news and some bad."

" OK, Whats the good news?"

" The good news is that we are doing a 3rd this coming Wednesday"

"Great" said Pat. " What's the bad news then?"

" You're the Senior Deacon! "